How Do We Know?
We all pick up things along the way - a stone on a trail, a phrase someone shares, an idea that stays with us long after the moment has passed. I tend to collect these fragments. They sit in a pocket somewhere until they surface again, often when I need them most.
One that returned to me this morning is something a friend and mentor paraphrased from Warren Bennis at a pivotal moment in my career:
A leader knows who they are, what they want, and why they want it.
I sat with those three questions for years, especially the “why.”
Why do we want one thing and not another?
Why does a choice feel right in one context and inexplicably wrong in another?
From what part of us do we know?
Ontological coaching explores what underlies knowing - working at the level of “way of being” - how we see, interpret, and respond to life. It’s founded on the recognition that we have multiple ways of knowing. Cognition is only one. Equally important are our emotions and our felt sense in the body.
The thinkers among us tend to dismiss these as squishy or subjective - psychobabble, even. But in my experience, thinking alone can lead us in circles. We can hold positions that feel subtly off, especially in our work where we navigate the tension between what we want and what the profession or organization requires of us.
When the unease appears, thought alone rarely resolves it.
Emotions and sensations are forms of intelligence we routinely ignore - at our own expense. At crucial moments, these resources can widen our choices and deepen our clarity.
You might try this at your next decision point:
What emotions are present as I consider option A versus option B?
What is their character and quality?
What is happening in my body - energy, fatigue, tension, spaciousness?
Then bring these back to your thinking mind. You may be surprised by what becomes available. Choices tend to become more grounded. Sometimes, even wiser.
If a choice point is before you, what might open if you allowed yourself access to more of your own knowing?